


(i may be better being on my own) but your body’s got me cravin you all night long

by addwarmfloor



Category: AOMG, YG Entertainment | YG Family
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-25 21:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14387706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addwarmfloor/pseuds/addwarmfloor
Summary: jaewon’s presence alone made sunghwa’s collar feel tighter than it should. the tables of turned, ever so slightly. he was suddenly painfully aware that he have not been this affected by someone in years.





	(i may be better being on my own) but your body’s got me cravin you all night long

**Author's Note:**

> there is such a lack of gray fics around so.  
> i decided to write my own.
> 
> also gray x one bc visual explosion. 
> 
> title taken from robotaki's butterscotch. (go give it a listen and support that man he's so great)
> 
> idk i just wrote this cos i love gray so much. yall please hola at me in the comments come scream at me or anything i'd like to know how this fic fared or how it fell flat lol
> 
> <3
> 
>  
> 
> random prompt from: http://dailyau.tumblr.com/post/151667685713/i-work-at-a-flower-shop-and-youre-a-tattoo-artist

as sunghwa pulled up outside his shop, he saw the boy waiting outside. the same boy have been sitting outside his florist, always with a large sketch book and markers in hand. he would unceremoniously sit himself along the walk way. sometimes at different spots depending on what flowers were displayed that day.

“one sec.”sunghwa unlocked the front door. “come in, please.”

the boy quietly shuffled but didn’t speak. he looked sweet, and soft. wore his hair the i’m-too-artsy-to-have-short-hair kind of long, a somewhat odd looking mullet. he dressed like one of those gen Y subculture fashion junkie whose instagram feed consisted of grainy overexposed photos of themselves decked in underground labels.

he shuffled in the shop after sunghwa. “i wanted to come earlier and ask if you happen to have any hydrangeas?”

how brazen.

“i’m sunghwa, nice to meet you too.”

“oh um. jaewon. nice to meet you.” he said, suddenly timid and bashful, pulling out his right hand out of his pocket one second later and offering it to sunghwa.

“hydrangeas are out of season now, the last batch sold out a few weeks ago.”

“really? ah… fuck.”

“i see you outside every other day,” sunghwa began, careful not to sound too unkind.

“ah about that,” he jammed his hand down his pants pocket again, outfit entirely too baggy for fall, instead looking like he just walked a helmut lang show. “i am doing my apprenticeship at JP Inks which is just like, 3 blocks down.” he broke off, rubbing a hand at his neck. “basically i need more practice before i can work on people so… i’m out here drawing.” he had a lovely voice too. kind of floaty but sharp at the same time. sunghwa self consciously tugged his work apron over this head. he seemed like the type of pretty boys you’d meet at an underground hip-hop gig and subsequently ghosting you after two days of non stop texting. the type who gets bored too easily.

“why not try drawing something else? peonies? gloxinia?”

“nah, i have to practice hydrangeas ‘cos my hyung told me to work on a flower piece for a client. it’s my first commission piece…” sunghwa watched him roll his markers in his hand, eyes downcasted looking at his beat up nikes. “i guess i’ll figure something out. thanks though.” he said softly but made no move to leave.

“are you any good?” sunghwa asked. this pretty kid who have been borrowing his flowers to practice. “mind sharing all the masterpieces you have drawn so far?”

“ah sure. i don’t think I’m that good yet though.” jaewon bit lip his to hide his grin as he handed over his sketchbook.

he was good.

every drawing was extremely detailed and precise. they sat together at the work table taking his time to look carefully at every sketch. jaewon sat twisting left and right on the stool next to him, occasionally saying something to provide context for some works.

“oppa, sorry i’m late toda– yah, it’s you!”just then eunji came in, pointing an accusing finger at jaewon.

“you sit outside our shop everyday! oppa why is he in here?” jaewon shrunk at her outburst.

‘i uh, invited him in today.” 

“um, i think i’ll make a move first. nice talking to you today.” with that jaewon gathered his belongings and made to leave. “thanks hyung, uh, i'll see you around.”

the next day sunghwa walked into the tattoo parlour, a bundle of hydrangea in hand.

“hi! do you have an appointment?” the receptionist asked. she had a tattoo of a crescent on her left cheek, these artsy tattooists are so interesting, sunghwa thought.

“no i don’t. but don’t worry, i’m not doing a walk in. does jaewon work here?”

when she popped her head behind the sliding door behind her, sunghwa could hear the low buzzing of the tattoo machines from inside and it made his skin tingle. “won-ah! someone’s here to see you, with flowers!”

jaewon emerged a minute later, cigarette hanging from his lips. his eyes widen upon spotting sunghwa before breaking into a bright grin. 

sunghwa handed over the bundle of hydrangea, “practice well.”

jaewon took them, deliberately lingering his fingers around sunghwa’s. “thanks hyung, thought you said you didn’t have them.”

“ordered them from somewhere else.”

“thanks hyung, you really didn’t have to. i’ll pay for these.”

“can’t afford to let you lose your first job. you can always repay in other ways.”

“would your girlfriend mind if i drop by the shop again?”

what girlfriend was he talking about. sunghwa was confused for one second before he realised jaewon was referring to eunji. 

“oh. eunji is not my girlfriend. she’s my part time staff. i apologise for her outburst that day. she is a bit hot-headed sometimes.”

jaewon smiled, “not a very service friendly attitude.”

“she’s not that bad.” sunghwa provided, secretly glad that jaewon was the one making small talks. he watched jaewon take a long drag and expelled the smoke between his teeth. “want a stick hyung?” jaewon caught him staring.

“no, i’m good, thanks.”

it’s disconcerting how jaewon looked much more comfortable today, lazily puffing away on the red plastic chair outside his work place where his element was.

“hyung don’t smoke?” jaewon asked lowly.

“quit a couple of months ago.”

“i see.” jaewon stubbed his cigarette in the nondescript ashtray. smoke break over. “nonetheless, thanks for these hyung! i’ll drop by soon.”

jaewon didn’t come by for the next few days, when he did it was friday night and sunghwa was stocking some remaining display flowers in the fridge.

“are those daisies?” sunghwa jumped at his voice and jaewon giggled. “sorry. didn’t mean to scare you.”

“s’fine. they are gerberas, belong in the family of daisies, so you are close enough.”

“nice. anyway, are you free tonight?”

“i close up in 30 minutes. are you okay with waiting?”

“cool. i’ll wait.” jaewon sat on the work stool and watched sunghwa go about his routine.

jaewon’s presence alone made sunghwa’s collar feel tighter than it should. the tables of turned, ever so slightly. he was suddenly painfully aware that he have not been this affected by someone in years. 

sunghwa blew out the last candle and hung up this apron. jaewon was glued to his phone, one earphone in. “alright, done. let’s go?” jaewon ripped his earphone out and trailed after sunghwa as he locked up the shop front.

“so where we headed?” 

“i was thinking, the joklbal by the mart?” jaewon asked, smiling.

it was a short walk but it was particularly chilly, october winds can be unforgiving. jaewon walked closer and closer into sunghwa’s personal space, hands dug deep in his jeans pocket. sunghwa was debating to ask why he haven’t been coming around, but jaewon launched into details without him asking first.

"i finally started on the art work for the client. it's quite a big piece so i had to split the work session between a few weeks." he pulled out his phone to scroll through his photos before handing it over to sunghwa. the outline of the flower on someone’s lower back, yet to be filled in with indigo hues. 

“it looks great.”

“thanks hyung, if it wasn’t for your flowers i wouldn’t be able to make it work out like this.” jaewon said.

“don’t sell yourself short, you are a very talented artist.” jaewon grinned brightly at that, one hand clutching onto sunghwa’s jacket at his elbow.

“if hyung ever want to get a tattoo, do you think you’ll let me do it? ever thought of getting one?”

sunghwa’s skin tingled at the thought of jaewon sitting over him and inking him. 

“yea, i have. initials of my family. my dad, my mom and my sister.” he lifted his left arm. “at the back right here.”

“because you wanna keep them close to your heart?” jaewon asked, voice saccharine.

“yea.”

“if you ever decide on it, and if you let me do it for you, the honour is mine.” jaewon said, eyes bright and wide, hand squeezing sunghwa’s elbow. 

sunghwa nodded. “okay.”

 

they settled on one of the tables in the tent, soft orange light lit the space, heated nicely by the crowd and the old dingy heater. they ordered a nice serving to share then jaewon pulled out a cigarette. “are you old enough to be smoking?” sunghwa asked.

jaewon laughed, tucking the stick behind his ear and leaned in on his elbows.

“what do you think,” he asked, amused and confident.

“well, i don’t know. you look like you are still in high school or something.”

“nope. still nice to hear it from time to time.” jaewon smiled brightly at sunghwa, sticking his cigarette at the corner of his lips. “how old are you then?”

“i’m old enough to be doing all the things i’m doing. i’m 25.” jaewon lighted up, took a long drag, slowly relaxing his shoulders. “hyung got a girlfriend?”

“no.” sunghwa sighed at the sight of their jokbal serving. it’s too much for the both of them to finish.

“me too. broke up with my last girlfriend.”

“oh. why?”

“because i wanted to try being with guys. it’s more…emotionally comfortable than being with girls, for me.”

“i had one boyfriend, five years,” sunghwa cracked open the can of sprite, splitting it between two glasses. “we broke up because he cheated on me with a female co-worker.”

“oh shit, that sucks.”

sunghwa shrugged. “we were best friends through high school and college. because we spent every waking hour together so it was convenient and comfortable. its natural to grow out of it, i guess.”

“so you don’t hate him?” jaewon asked with a mouthful of food.

“no, i don’t think so, it’s a long time ago.” sunghwa shrugged again, fighting the sudden urge to pour himself some alcohol because he needed to drive later. 

they ended dinner on a good note. jaewon was all smiles and sunghwa cannot quit looking. “you wait here, i’ll go get my car.” moments later sunghwa’s black audi pulled up at the curb. 

jaewon let out a low whistle sliding into the shotgun seat.  “wew, my first ‘oppa’s car’ ride.” 

sunghwa smirked, fighting the flush.  “you said you stay in sinsa? give me your postal code.” he powered up the GPS to punch in the numbers.

“actually… i don’t wanna go home yet.”

“my body is too old to keep up with hanging out anywhere outside past midnight.” 

jaewon pouted. “can i go home with you?”

“uh, sure?”sunghwa said, tilting to lean his head on the hand he propped on the steering wheel, looking at jaewon. 

“no wait fuck. i didn’t mean it that way!” jaewon said wildly, jerking the seat belt too hard. “i meant it like, can i hang at your place? if you want?" 

sunghwa waited for his instinctive caution to call but none came. at this point he would be flighting the moment he sense attachment, and it made him slightly perplexed that perhaps jaewon had brought his red flags down.

“okay.”

 

“welcome to my humble abode.” sunghwa said without much fanfare. he still cannot believe himself. they just got acquainted two weeks ago and they are already hanging out at his house. suddenly feeling like a fish out of water in his own hall way as he waited for jaewon who took his time to remove his shoes. he should know better than letting his lack of conscious allow him to pick up pretty rebellious boys on the streets. 

“want something to drink? cola? beer? make yourself home.”

jaewon shuffled behind him into the kitchen, studying the collection of wine on the counter.

“how about some bordeaux? if only you are up to drink though. it’s not fun drinking alone.”

sunghwa was already reaching for the wine glasses. “i guess you don’t have issues then, do you mind having the cabernet instead? it’s already opened.”

they drank till jaewon started giggling at everything, toes poking at sunghwa’s thigh from where he was lying stretched out on the couch.

“you are such a brazen kid, coming to my house and drinking my alcohol and getting shitfaced.”

jaewon giggled. he had been pushing too many of sunghwa’s buttons tonight and sunghwa could feel his will debilitating through the night because of their proximity.

“first of all, i’m not a child. and i’m nowhere near drunk. one time i finished like three bottles of soju and still made it home by the subway.” jaewon was slurring slightly, not quite drunk yet.

“yea? bet you threw up after.”

“i did, literally ran at the speed of light to the bathroom.” jaewon was clicking away with the kitchen lighter meant for the candles.

sunghwa chuckled. “can you maybe stop playing with the lighter,”

jaewon side eyed him and gave a mischievous smirk. “for someone who lives with so many candles, didn’t think playing with a little fire would give you make you anxious.”

“you brat, respect your elders.” sunghwa said.

jaewon giggled helplessly. “can i smoke at the balcony?”

“sure.”

he sat himself against the window, wrapping the sofa throw he had dragged with him tighter and lit a cigarette.

“hyung, come join me? it’s cold.” sunghwa stood up on wobbly feet. he can usually hold his alcohol better than this. maybe he was giddy on entirely something else. jaewon looked up at him with half lidded eyes, slightly glazed over with a lazy smile. the balcony does not have any heating besides the floor so jaewon scooted over as sunghwa sat down, dropping his head on sunghwa’s thigh. they sat in silence for a while as jaewon puffed away and sunghwa watched the white smoke bleed into the atmosphere.

“hyung,” jaewon took a drag and held the smoke, a cold hand coming up to hold sunghwa’s nape to bring him closer. lipsslotted and smoke was passed. sunghwa was well aware his actions were completely taken over by desires, facade collapsing entirely. that very moment bought him back to last year high school all over again, goosebumps rose on his skin when he felt the same the reckless exhilaration of hiding out at the roof top and skipping classes with his best friends, necking and kissing lazily under the late afternoon sun. he remembered getting kissed into a stupor by jaebum, leaving the lingering taste of ash in his mouth.

jaewon pressed a few more sweet kisses at his lower lip, soft and shy.

“i know you like me, you like having me around, right?”

“hm?”

‘hyung likes me right,” jaewon asked again, eyes imploring with his guards down.

sunghwa sighed. “i allowed your self invitation to my house. i just moved in. none of my friends have came over yet.”

“and you gave me flowers.” jaewon slipped his hand up sunghwa’s sleep shirt, cold fingers skimming hot skin.

“you kissed me, is that repayment?” sunghwa ran his fingers through jaewon’s hair.

jaewon turned to hide his face in sunghwa’s thigh.

“if you want it to be.”

they were quiet for a while, sunghwa playing with his hair and jaewon stroked his fingers up and down his waist.

“i kissed you because i wanted to.” jaewon made to get up, pulling himself up with an arm around sunghwa’s neck. “and i should be going home, but i don’t want to.”

“sleep here. i have a guest room.”

“i don’t want to sleep there.” jaewon said, leaning heavily on sunghwa’s side.

“you wanna sleep on the couch? sure.”

“no, i mean. i sleep alone all the time at home,’ jaewon pouted, breath hot beside sunghwa's ear. “sorry, never mind. could you lend me some clothes to change?”

jaewon showered and changed himself into the set of clothes sunghwa picked out and let himself into sunghwa’s room. sunghwa had an arm over his eye, lying one side of his bed. “switch the lights off please,” he said without taking his arm off. jaewon did as he was told and shuffled under the covers, laying on his side facing sunghwa.

“hyung.”

“come here.”

a skinny arm was thrown across sunghwa’s chest and jaewon pulled himself closer, sunghwa pushed his head deeper into his neck and jaewon pressed a kiss on his collar bone.

“i don’t know what i’m doing. it’s been a long time since i have been with someone.”

jaewon took sunghwa’s hand and guided it under his shirt and held it there, right at his belly. “it’s okay. hopefully you will.”

“what about you,”

“now is not the time too think too hard about this hyung,” jaewon said, yawning loudly as if to make his point clear. “good night.”

sunghwa lied awake till dawn.

over the next week jaewon came by everyday, hanging around the shop and clinging onto sunghwa whenever he could. sunghwa had allowed him to pick and arrange the flowers he wanted to practice drawing, letting him sit at the work bench, much to eunji’s chagrin.

“won’t your hyungs back at your shop be wondering where you went? are you allowed to disappear like this during work hours?”

jaewon yawned, dropped his pencils and stretched like a lazy cat. sunghwa saw a sliver of skin before he caught a glimpse of a very familiar looking calvin klein underwear. “no, i only need to be there when i have an appointment, which is not until…next monday.”

“are you– are those my boxers that you are wearing,” sunghwa asked.

jaewon put his head down on the dirty work table, looking up at him through his eye lashes when a smug grin. “yes,” jaewon tilted his head, biting at his lower lip. “i have been wear hyung’s clothes when i’m at home, still smells like you.” he murmured, doe eyes never leaving sunghwa’s. “but i have been wearing them often they are starting to lose it.” jaewon pouted.

“oh god.” sunghwa ran a hand down his face. “please don’t say things like that while i’m at work.”

jaewon laughed. “was just stating some facts.” he packed up to leave. “i’ll see you tonight at my place.” he said before pecking sunghwa at the corner of his lips, sealing the promise of dinner.

dinner was a good effort on jaewon’s part that night. sunghwa had no heart to tell him his jiggae tasted like a college’s student first attempt at cooking after moving out. they sat in the living room, legs and knees knocking and overlapping on jaewon’s tiny sofa too small for two grown men. sunghwa was flipping through netflix’s selection in the dark.

“hyung, go out with me.”

“hm?” 

“go out with me,” jaewon pressed closer into sunghwa’s side. “stop pretending like you don’t want me.”

jaewon climbed onto sunghwa’s lap, “i like you so much,” he leaned in for a kiss but landed sunghwa’s chin instead. sunghwa held his face and kissed him squarely on his lips, one hand on his hip to keep him still. jaewon dropped his head into sunghwa’s neck, heaving slightly as if the kiss had knocked the wind out of him. “please don’t lead me on like this if you don’t want me, i might really cry, and ask you to leave.” he said, sounding small and torn. “but i want to you stay.” a sniffle.

sunghwa sighed, he felt undeserving but hugged jaewon closer, because he was not ready to meet his eyes yet. all these time he foresaw this very consequence but still allowed himself to be selfish.“please don’t cry, i just don’t know what to do with myself.”

“does that mean, you like me too?” jaewon asked, latching onto it immediately.

when sunghwa did not answer, jaewon dropped a kiss on his collar bone.

“it’s obvious anyways, you pretty much let me do whatever i want since the day we met, even though you sometimes talk like you are so dissociated,” despite the dim tv lighting sunghwa could see jaewon's eyes glimmering with wetness, hands antsy and roaming everywhere. “but your actions and the way you always look at me tells me you do feel something for me after all. so tell me right now, if all these was just me getting too ahead of myself.”  jaewon finished with his voice quivering between sniffles. 

“you are not wrong,” sunghwa murmured, deliberating because he cannot trust himself to offer any concrete answers. he might break jaewon and the last thing he wanted to do was to pick up the pieces of his own wreckage.

they did not speak for a while, jaewon kept his finger tracing something at the back of his left arm while he ran a hand up and down jaewon’s back, hoping it was enough to soothe him for now. 

“okay, i get it.” jaewon said, straightening up to put some distance between them. “i’m sorry, i don’t know. maybe i shouldn’t even be pressing you for answers. will you sleep here tonight?”

a long time ago, sunghwa lost his lover and his bestfriend when jaebum had left him for another woman. he who had grounded sunghwa for the longest time was also the same person who shook his reality. he had grieved the loss, of jaebum and himself, but took him a longer time to realise by cultivating a faux sense of detachment has affected him more profoundly than the melancholy he have been dragging around for ages. came jaewon, eyes bright with sincerity, perhaps the most earnest person he have met in a while, sunghwa saw himself, 10 years ago, vulnerable and ever ready to devote and dive head first into uncertainty, yet yearning for stability to have and hold.

lying awake next to jaewon that night felt vaguely like a deva ju of two weeks ago when he brought jaewon home, but this time the same plethora of feelings have expanded ten folds. jaewon had half his body lying top on his like he was afraid that sunghwa would leave him in the middle of the night. sunghwa was sticky and slightly sweaty from the body heat and was losing feeling on one side of his body, but it made was what him decided that perhaps things might not always take a wrong turn. 

perhaps this time sunghwa would finally drain his veins of hopeless doubts.

come next morning, sunghwa was woken to the shower running and a bed too empty. when jaewon came out of shower, his heart lurched at the sight of jaewon in his shirt with no pants.

“good morning sleepy head.” jaewon said.

he leaned down to peck sunghwa’s cheek, water dripped from the ends of his hair. groggily sunghwa held his arms open for jaewon who hesitantly crawled back under the covers into his chest. it made sunghwa's heart ache in a strange way.

“good morning,” sunghwa croaked, nosing at jaewon’s neck, skin sweet and tender from the hot shower.

jaewon smiled shyly, sighing with content.

“breakfast? i’ll make pancakes.” sunghwa said.

“really? i really like pancakes.”

“not as much as you like me, i hope.” sunghwa said with grin. he reckon he could give himself and this sweet boy in his arm a shot, even if it might take him back to ground zero again, he suppose that might be better than living with another loveless regret.

“well, it’ll all depend on how good your pancakes are.”


End file.
